Within these past few months I've been seriously considering my own future. Toward the beginning of the month I decided that if i were to date someone, I would only date them if I saw it seriously going somewhere, not just a fling lasting a few months for fun. The person who I was with at the time understood and understood where I was coming from. We broke a few weeks after that, which just encouraged my decision. I'm tired of the jumping from person to person and never having it go anywhere, or even remotely, in the direction I'm seeking.

That is to say, I was tired of that.

This morning my sister found out that her husband of 7 years cheated on her. Something I never saw coming because I thought that everything was going great with them. And aside from it being hurtful from the standpoint that my sister is in pain, it's affected me on a very different level that's hard for me to describe.

I'd always told myself I wanted to get married young, I wanted to settle down young not to start a family but to be removed from the dating scene. I watched my sister get married at 19 and it greatly affected my views on marriage because of how much I look up to her. I've wanted the thing that she's had for the past years for myself.

Talking to her now, listening to her problems and what her marriage is going through, I'm not so sure I feel that way anymore. Sitting on the bus this morning after hearing the news, all I could think about was how my wanting to be settled down at such a young age might not be the best choice. that maybe I'm wrong about all this, that maybe I should enjoy and appreciate my younger and more wild years. Granted, I'm not very wild in any sense, I'm still more free than if I was married.

I haven't quite sorted it out yet.


for the record, I love my sister more than any person in the world. More than myself, more than any person I've dated, more than my parents. I would do anything for her. All I ever want is to see her happy.